When you put your arms around me I feel tiny. I can curl up on your chest and lay there as long as you let me.
I pushed the elevator button just in time. Inside was an old lady leaning on a cane. I didn’t mean to hold her up, I just really wanted to get out of the hospital as soon as possible. “Are we on the ground floor yet love?” She asked me while she turned her head away from the big elevator mirror. “Not yet, almost.” I answered in the most polite voice I could muster up. “Oh, I was just looking at my eyes. My pupiles are so big my eyes look black. See?” She took a step toward me and looked up to me, deep into my eyes. Her hair was a pretty shade of grey, her skin was wrinkly, and yes, her eyes were the deepest, loneliest black I’ve ever seen on an old lady all alone in a hospital.
She walked out with her dress making a dramatic swirl before she closed my door. I heard her climb the steps to her floor, and it took a long time before I heard her come down again. She opened my door with the same dramatic swing as with which she closed it before. A smug expression on her face, a bottle of tequila by her side. “Tonight, we drink to Frida.”
There was a pack of cigarettes lying on the floor next to the table. I walked towards it to try and figure out how it got there. You’re tempt to worry about those sort of things when you live alone like I do. Items out of place. As I bent down to pick it up I caught a whiff of my hair. It was getting very long and curly and almost touched the ground as I reached for the pack. It smelled of shampoo, did I wash it this morning? Did I even shower? It gets hard to retrieve the day in my memory as time goes by. Sometimes it seems that days more or less flow back and forth like waves on a beach. They take little bites of details from the sand and they disappear in the deep waters forever. I picked up the almost empty pack from the floor to put it on my dresser. I smelled my laundry hanging to dry in my room as I walked past the drying rack. At least I washed something today. The dishes next to my sink however were not. I sighed and turned around to face my room. It was a small space, but big enough for just me. My dresser and bed on one side, with a nightstand filled with books next to it. An antique lamp cramped beside the pile of literature mixed with comicbooks. On the other side of the room my small desk and large sofa. I leaned my back on the sink, taking in my room with the leaky sealing and dirty dishes. “If I stay here any longer you’ll be my coffin…” I muttered while I flicked the lightswitch. The end of another day, I let fly away.
As the train drove into her hometown she saw tiny soccerplayers. Must be saterday then.
I cursed you under my breath pacing up and down my room. As I moved aside your shirt, I caught a whiff of your scent and felt my heart soften. Damn you.
She felt his body softly moving in his sleep. He rolled over and curled himself around her. “Every time I think of wishing we could stay like this, it gets even better. So now I just close my eyes and try not to wish for anything.” She whispered in to the dark.
I screamed at you in the middle of the dark. I loved you and hated you at the same time. The next morning you told me how angry I sounded. I told you I can scream much, múch louder.
“We are all fetuses swimming in our own poo.” she stated while taking a sip from the bottle of wine we were sharing. At least she didn’t try to make it sound more positive than she saw it. The grumpy atheist in her had spoken, and if I knew her right, I would say that after a few more sips from our bottle the giggling rebel would come out. It was the middle of february, the snow had cleared a few days ago and we we’re sitting on the roof. Tucked away in our winter coats, looking at the stars and defining life. I lit a new cigarette when suddenly an empty bottle flew through the air. With a loud bang it broke into a thousand shimmering pieces around our feet. Slowly my head turned to her with a questioning look. “I just wanted to break something…” she explained, shrugging her shoulders. “But look, I made a starry sky around us.” I looked at the shimmers on the ground, then up at the sky. “We are swimming in stars.” I stated while taking a sip from the bottle of wine we were sharing.
I wore your leather jacket, and a scarf you borrowed through the winter. Your scent was all around me, and together I walked down the street.
“We are two halves of one apple” he told her. She was sitting on his lap, with her face buried between his shoulder and his neck. “Together, we make one whole.”
I ran out to his car in my pyjama’s. Soaked socks on my feet, a way too happy printed pyjama bottoms on for this passionate occasion. I ran through the dark, rainy street till I reached his dark blue car, shinier then ever with raindrops bouncing of the roof. As he flung open his car door I jumped in, between the steering wheel and his chest. Curled up on his lap, my arms wrapped around his neck like an infant. “never again let me go” I whispered in his ear, “I wont” he answered.
With heavy breathing, skipping every few breaths, she placed her shaking hands on the hole in his skull. If she could only keep the fragments of her lovers brain inside, she could keep him with her a little longer.
We screamed at each other like there would be no tomorrow. And for a moment, there really wouldn’t be.